Final Reflection

I remember when registering for classes last semester, Latino Oral Histories had immediately caught my eye. As a self identified Chicana and history major, I was intrigued with the idea of learning more about a particular part of the Chicano experience such as the Vietnam War. Throughout my three years in Claremont, I have enjoyed taking Chicano/Latino history courses, because I feel they provide me an intellectual space where I can gain a better understanding of both the people who came before me and more about my own self history. I must say looking back on this past semester, my time in Latino oral histories went far beyond all my expectations and anticipations. The interactive learning and hands on approach of the course allowed me to connect with principal readings and themes, reanalyze my own personal views towards the idea of memory and the role of veterans, and most importantly conclude the semester with a sincere sense of rewarding bliss about my participation in the preservation of veteran stories. Throughout the course we were asked to engage in relevant texts, documentaries, and perspectives about the Chicano/Latino veteran experience in Vietnam. It was through these secondary sources that I came to understand perspectives that I had never thought of before. Learning about the power dynamics behind the production of history and how these dynamics can intensify the distinction between objective and subjective historical evidence allowed me to realize for the first time, that dominant power structures of societal environments can assist in constructing one’s own historical memory. Discussing these power dynamics within the production of history and the construction of popular or official memory, I could better understand the historical reminiscences of Vietnam Veteranos, a collection of personal stories of various Chicano/Latino Vietnam veterans. Through Vietnam Veteranos, I came to understand that there was no singular Chicano/Latino veteran narrative that could define the Chicano experience in Vietnam. Each veteran had their own unique story that they wanted to “remember” and retell. Along with these relevant readings, watching documentaries such as Hearts and Minds, I was able to put into perspective the raw reality of how both U.S. veterans and the Vietnamese people were both being affected tremendously by the Vietnam War. The documentary’s title taken from a Lyndon B. Johnson quote that said “the ultimate victory will depend on the hearts and minds of the people who actually live out there,” ironically did truly touch both my heart and my mind. Some of the scenes from the documentary were extremely hard to watch, particularly when they involved innocent children. Despite this fact, I felt the documentary not only provided a visual realization of the harsh ramifications of war, but also allowed me to understand the psychological effects that many veterans who witnessed these war scenes firsthand were dealing with upon returning home from the Vietnam warfront. Besides the various relevant texts, it was ultimately my interviews with my two veterans that had the most profound impact on me. Both my veteran interviews allowed me to understand the variety amongst the Chicano/Latino war experience, reiterating the fact that there was not a singular model or narrative that could embody the Chicano/Latino experience in Vietnam. It was through these interviews that I felt emotionally invested in not only the course but also the two veterans I had the honor to interview. It was through our interviews that I felt I finally got to put into practice all that we had been learning about throughout the course. One of these aspects was the relationship between interviewer and interviewee. As a student I came to understand my position of privilege as both an interviewer and someone who did not participate in the Vietnam War. Understanding this privilege, I felt I could ensure that the interview I conducted  prioritized the veteran and made my role secondary. After both my interviews I found myself thinking about how I took for granite how much those in the armed services really do for this country. Through my veterans’ stories I came to know how their commitments to this country truly have a profound impact on their lives and that they often do not always receive the recognition they deserve. Prior to taking this course and interacting with Vietnam veterans, I had preconceived notions about those who participated in war and definitely did not have an appreciation for those who fought in the military on behalf of the United States. After interacting with war veterans, I realized that veterans have emotions as well as personal reasons for why they participated in war which were all significant to their personal historical experiences within the U.S. Most importantly learning about my veterans’ personal stories, I came to comprehend their personal sacrifice and the urgency in acknowledging both their losses and sacrifices but most importantly their contributions to this country. I am thankful that this course allowed me to reanalyze my perspectives about veterans and that I had the opportunity to hear their stories and assist in the process of retelling them to others. I hope it was as rewarding for them as it was for me. Lastly, I felt that the Alfredo Vea novel, Gods Go Begging, highlighted well one of the main understandings I took away from this course. This understanding is the importance of communication; with others but also with one’s self. As a student participating in the Veterans Oral History Project I believe I was able through oral communication to connect and relate to various veteran experiences. One of the veterans that I interviewed, Howard Hernandez, made a statement in his interview that truly stuck with me. He said in relation to his time after Vietnam that “he has a lot of flashbacks, about Vietnam that he doesn’t appreciate but at the same time I don’t think we should forget.” I feel that his statement truly embodied how memory and oral history can serve as a form of communication between one’s present and one’s past. Through this mutual communication we can see how the acts of remembering and retelling can help to preserve these important but often forgotten veteran histories.  

Reading Post #6

Alfredo Vea’s novel, Gods Go Begging serves as a commentary on the aftermath of the Vietnam War and the connections between the conception of war and the battlefield of gang violence, poverty, drug addiction and social marginalization that explode everyday in low-income neighborhoods or “ghettos” around the United States. Through the eyes of the novel’s main protagonist, Jesse Pasadoble a lawyer from San Francisco and Vietnam war veteran, we come to understand that the Vietnam war is much more than just life and death but also about desire, humanity and the untold stories of the powerless. At the very beginning of the novel we are jolted into the details of the brutal murders of two women, Mai and Persephone who had been
wives from men who were soldiers in the Vietnam War. Calvin or Biscuit boy is found with the gun at the crime scene and Jesse is to be his lawyer.  It is through the trial of Biscuit boy that we learn of the unresolved feelings of guilt that Jesse carries from Vietnam and how Biscuit’s life as a young teen from an at risk neighborhood that is associated with failure and desperation, not only evokes certain memories of Vietnam but also signifies a war at home in the United States. There is a
direct connection between the hill in Laos that consistently plagues the memory of Jesse and Tourette’s hill in San Francisco. For Jesse that “hill near Laos was far more than a memory…every laughing voice in Jesse’s ears, eventually melted into a death rattle. Every lovely, vital face, in Jesse’s eyes had already begun to molder” (159). Jesse had internalized the deaths that took place on that hill and could not escape from that memory. Death pervaded his mind, his feelings, and his senses similar to Tourette’s Hill of San Francisco. The paramedics had dubbed it that name because it would cause one to lose all control of their senses, particularly their conscience. Another theme that I noticed in the novel is the interconnectedness of desire and humanity. Jesse says this very powerful quote, “when desire is stripped of humanity all that remains is war” (291). Throughout the novel there is this balance between the naturalness of desire and wanting and the idea of remaining human. Vea comments on this masculine desire to go off to war and the tragedies that result with this desire becomes unnatural and is separated from one’s own humanity. It is interesting to note that the lines of the coroner that break the narrative when
someone has died in the novel, describe the dead bodies in a particularly dehumanizing way as if death has essentially stripped their identities of their humanity. It is not until Biscuit Boy’s description that we encounter life and humanity within his resurrection. With the resurrection of Biscuit Boy we also see Jesse’s own quest to recover his humanity reach its end.  As Vea states, “on Potrero Hill, he had finally found the strength to open the body bags and bravely look upon the face of death” (290). Jesse had found his human strength to confront his feelings of guilt for surviving the hill in Laos and essentially for living. He realized that he could not “keep hiding among the living” but had to speak and tell his untold story. Jesse at the end had regained his ability to communicate with his own humanity and with the humanity of others. The other aspect of the novel that I found particularly interesting was the love and support found across racial lines. We start off the novel with Mai, a Vietnamese woman, and Persephone, an African American woman. It seems as though the two should have been separated by the Vietnam war and the participation of their husbands on opposing sides. Despite this it is actually what brings the women together in life and in death. The relationship between Mai and Persephone mirrored that of the friendship between Jesse and a Vietnamese prisoner of war named Hong Troc. The two were supposed to be enemies, yet they are able to develop a friendship surrounded by the presence of violence and circumstances of war through the form of oral communication and sharing stories. This aspect highlights the idea of communication as central to the novel in not only relating oneself but most importantly with others.

Reading Post #5

After reading J. Todd Moye’s Freedom Flyers, I thought a lot about the roles both a
narrator and active listener in war stories such as those from Vietnam and WWII
that we have been privy to hearing.  Both roles play important factors in the production and interpretation of historical events and personal stories.

One of the aspects that stood out to me while reading the personal narratives of Tuskegee
Airmen was the prevalent racism they encountered in their experiences as soldiers.  It is interesting to see how racism comes in different forms depending on the type of environment you are in.  It is striking considering that racism was a heavy issue that came up in many of the Tuskegee Airmen’s stories as well as many of the personal stories we have read from Vietnam veteranos.  Though racism may have caused different consequences or different experiences, it has definitely proved to be an added weight both Chicano and African Americans have had to deal with.

Reflection Post #2

The night before my oral interview, I was a little nervous wondering how it would turn out. Speaking on the phone with my interviewee and having prior communicative correspondence was very helpful in establishing a first connection but I still found myself wondering whether I would ask the right questions or if I was prepared enough.

I had my interview scheduled for 9 am on Friday morning. My interviewee was there right on time and it was so nice meeting him for the first time and being able to place a face to the name and all the anticipation I had leading up to that moment. I also had the opportunity to witness an unexpected interaction between veterans. It was amazing how they began reminiscing on their experiences and even though they were from different places their experiences of Vietnam provided them with an immediate bond and connection that non-veterans could simply not understand.

Before we started the interview, we filled out all the necessary forms which were helpful in refreshing his memory and getting him mentally prepared for the interview. Looking back on the interview, it was funny how I was so worried about asking the right thing and following the list of questions but they really did not matter once the interview started. I formed most of my questions based on what my interviewee was telling me. At times it was hard because I wanted it to be as much of a conversation as possible but I often had to think of those topical areas to make sure the interview was coming out as a life narrative.

It is striking thinking about memory and what people remember and are willing to disclose. My interviewee focused a lot on his time in Vietnam and his time after as opposed to his childhood and teenage years. Though he did mention some instances of racism towards him being a “Mexican Sergeant,” he focused a lot on the camaraderie and brotherhood of soldiers in arms. He definitely mentioned a lot of friendships he made and how he thinks about them often. My interviewee is currently the Secretary of the GI forum which was very interesting considering he had a lot to say about the Longoria Affair. He definitely spoke about his involvement and commitment to his family and ensuring spaces for veterans such as GI forum reunions as a form of therapy that help readjust to life after service participation.

One of the most profound moments of the interview was when I asked, which I thought was going to be my last question, “What is one thing that you would want people to know about Vietnam” and his answer was that “58,000 plus Americans who never made it home from Vietnam whom I consider some of my brothers and family” at that moment he got really emotional and started to cry. I obviously could not just end my interview there so I continued to ask more non-threatening questions. That moment really struck me hard though. After the interview I myself was really emotional just thinking about how I took for granite how much those in the armed services really do for this country and how their commitments to this country truly have a profound impact on their lives that do not always receive the recognition they deserve.  I called my mom right after the interview to debrief with her. It is truly amazing how one person’s story can touch you so much. It was definitely helpful for me to talk with someone, and I spent the whole day wondering if my interviewee was okay and whether he had someone else to debrief with as well. It truly was a pleasure interviewing my interviewee and his story definitely had a profound impact on my life, it will definitely be a story and experience that I will never forget.

Reading Post #4

I found reading Chapters 3-6 very helpful in preparation for conducting my oral interview. Having scheduled my interview for this Friday, I feel that these chapters addressed many of the concerns or questions that I have been thinking about. I found myself connecting alot of the guidance offered in the reading to my interview this Friday.

Three things that I took away from this week’s readings are in relation to the importance of ensuring that our oral recordings truly belong to the people we are interviewing. On page 110 Yow brings up the point that many historians “may be interested in reconstructing the past; narrators are interested in projecting an image. Thus, historians often strive for a linear, chronological sequence.”  As we have discussed in class, it is important that we allow our interviewee to tell their story the way that they choose to tell it. As interviewers, and more importantly active listeners it our duty to simply follow the thought process of the narrator, allowing him to develop his own story.

Another aspect that I took away from these readings was the importance of being attentive to non-verbal behavior or communication. Since we are dealing with very intimate issues that may trigger certain emotional responses it is necessary that we be aware and respond to non-verbal communication.  Whether our responses be taking a break or asking more non-threatening questions, we owe it to our interviewees to be respectful of the feelings may arise during our interview.

Lastly, the aspect that had the most impact on me is in relation to the power dynamics behind the practice of interviewing. Yow states on page 136 that “power in the relationship (between interviewer and interviewee) is not equal but tipped to favor the interviewer…the ’source’ who happens in this case to be a living human being who is positioned in the process in order to yield up information.” This statement allowed me to realize my privilege as a non-veteran and as a interviewer who has the opportunity to listen in on someone’s life story. I feel it is critical to recognize these power dynamics behind interviewing and to ensure have the power and authority in constructing and telling their own story.

 

Reading Post #3

Two points mentioned in the second half of the book, that I found particularly interesting were specifically
related to the idea of cultural identity.  Looking back on the personal accounts that I read about, many of the veteranos emphasized how their political awareness was heightened by their experiences in Vietnam. After spending years fighting in Vietnam for ideals of freedom and equality to only to realize once back in the United States that were still being treated as second class citizens often gave Chicanos direction to their heightened political views. Coupled with feelings of guilt many veteranos felt that they needed to become involved once again in the fight for their survival here in the United States. Many veteranos became involved in the Chicano movement of the 1960s-70s which some claimed served as a way to explore their cultural identity, fight for the equality of their people, but also as “compensation” for their actions in Vietnam.

Looking at the amount of Chicanos who became politically active in the Chicano movement upon their returns home from Vietnam, it was also interesting to read about war experiences specifically shaped Chicano cultural identity. Many veteranos remarked on the need to connect with other Mexicans or Latinos as a form of cultural support.  Many remarked that it was during times in need that they directly sought out other Chicanos. There was an immediate bonding that went past soldier camaraderie; it was the cultural
sense of survival and community. As one veterano states, “There was not an awareness of the Chicano movement per se, but there was a real cultural awareness that came over us while we were there and it made us proud.” This statement highlights how many times people need to rely on what they know to overcome obstacles as a survival mechanism. In this case, the traumatic experiences of Vietnam brought Chicanos together and assisted in strengthening a Chicano cultural identity that for some translated into political involvement in el movimiento once they got to the United States. Addressing this idea of the necessity of culture as a form of survival is also interesting considering how many Chicanos were both physically and psychologically injured from the war and for many involvement in the Chicano movement may have been a form of healing that they needed to combat their psychological traumas of the past.

Reading Post #2

As Edward James Olmos states in the preface, Vietnam Veteranos demonstrates how each Chicano veterano had their own unique story to tell and it is through reading these individual stories that we can began to see similarities that contribute to a larger Chicano veteran narrative. One of these similarities that I thought was critical was how the veteranos viewed Vietnam, the government, and their place within the war very differently than when they first got drafted or volunteered. Many Chicanos prior to volunteering or getting drafted did not really have knowledge of Vietnam. Many were proud to be U.S. soldiers and specifically asked to be sent to Vietnam because they felt they were assisting in something greater that the U.S. stood for. As they became immersed in the war, their opinions changed greatly. The majority of the veteranos saw a distinct difference between the Vietnamese farmers they were fighting and the U.S. government behind the war. Many remarked on the “manipulation” of the U.S. government that they didn’t care if any of them died as long as their “war” continued. Alejandro remarked that “the government is so screwed up that they abuse you and then they throw you away” (39). Alejandro’s comment demonstrates how the U.S. government saw the Chicanos veterans as expendable, they were there to perform a “job” which took priority over whether they lived or not.

A second similarity that I saw present in many of these individual stories, is the idea of memory and the impact of certain events that have remained ingrained in personal collections of memories. Every one of the veteranos had a specific war experience that they remembered with great detail. These specific war experiences varied; some recalled upon the first time they killed somebody, others recalled upon the brutality and often in-humaneness of war, and some recalled upon the deaths of their friends and fellow soldiers in combat. The fact that these specific experiences are told with great detail tell us that they probably had a profound impact on the veteranos; they could have been traumatizing or they simply could have been something that the veterano wanted to remember.  I found this last idea of wanting to remember very interesting. Alejandro stated that “there’s certain things, and certain people, I want to remember. Those memories seem to override everything else. You had to depend on people and you made friends you knew you could depend on. There’s other things I want to forget, but if we forget, then they can just happen again” (39). One of these specific experiences that really stuck out to me was from Raul’s individual story. Raul specifically recalled how he and other soldiers came across a Vietcong who had just had his leg blown off and how the other GIs proceeded to taunt and humiliate him. He specifically remembers seeing how vulnerable the Vietcong soldier was and how at that moment he had respect for him. Throughout his retelling of this memory, Raul uses the word “remembered” quite a lot. I believe this shows how though this memory is something that would be hard to remember and retell, it was a memory that Raul specifically wanted to remember and store in his memory forever.